


no one likes a mad woman (you made her like that)

by lunasasylum



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula also needs a mother and father who don't hate her, F/F, Family Dynamics, Implied Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Mental Anguish, Past Aang/Katara (Avatar), Protective Azula (Avatar), azula needs help, or view her as weapon of mass destruction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28252086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunasasylum/pseuds/lunasasylum
Summary: she wishes death would come for her, swiftly;not like this, not like swallowing fire.not burning her from the inside out// or azula is broken, in jail, and hopeless, until of course, someone gives her something to hope for.
Relationships: Azula (Avatar)/Original Female Character(s), Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	no one likes a mad woman (you made her like that)

Azula was a girl undone, anyone could see that.

During her first days in prison she spent jumping between violently hostile and uncontrollable sadness. The guards looked at her in pity, and she could not bring herself to care about anything. She had been locked inside a cell for weeks, no light, no sun, no warmth.

She was forgotten, as she deserved. She failed the Fire Nation in ways that could never be forgiven. Now, she spent her days in deafening silence, retracing her steps, trying to figure how she could fail in such a way. Azula was tearing apart at the seams, and she could not find the strength to pull herself together again. But, the unconscious parts of her personality still notice small changes. She feels that her food is a little warmer some days, the water that she drinks is cleaner, and her clothes are no longer recycled with holes in them. Someone wants something from her.

It can't be the guards; they regard her with the same dry disdain every day. Azula spends weeks wondering who could possibly be on her side.

A defector? Someone hoping to stage a coup. Have Zuko overthrown?

But, even as these thoughts ran rampant in her brain, she could not bring herself to envision herself on the throne. Most days, her mind still played tricks on her, and she was having conversations with people that weren't there. She no longer knew day or night, she hadn't felt the sun on her skin in months, possibly. It felt like she was dying only, somehow, it was so much worse. 

It reminded her of the Ice Box. Whenever she surpassed the teaching of a trainer, her father put her in the Ice Box. It was only to teach her humility, fervor, and desire. Every time she was in, she learned, and it made her stronger. It was her own weakness that caused her to lose the Agni Kai, and it was her own weakness that put her here. She could have fought back. She should have fought back.

Every day was an exact repeat of the last. She ate the same food, wore the same clothes, sat in the same silence. She was slipping and she wasn't sure what the rest of her life would look like anymore. She used to dream of the throne, sitting as the Fire Lord of the most powerful nation in the world. The respect and fear that emanated from that position was her one desire. Azula was always sure that she'd spend her life as ruler of the place she loved so much. But, as she lay in the dark, cold and alone, without her own fire to keep her warm, she wondered what was next for her. 

Zuko must have an execution planned for her. It's what she would do as Fire Lord, anyways. Kill the person who lost the Agni Kai. Display that her position cannot be fought or challenged, she would have proved her absolute rule.

That was then. This is now.

Now, she's surrounded by the silence fighting against her overwhelming thoughts.

Now, she hasn't spoken in days.

Now, she does not even desire for a soft bed or clean water.

She wishes death would come for her, swiftly; not like this, not like swallowing fire.

Not burning her from the inside out.

* * *

Azula was hopeless.

And then she wasn't.

When her cell opened for her food, she waited for the guard to shut the door. Today, the guard lingered, even after Azula had received her food. It wasn't uncommon for them to watch for a little, to snicker to themselves. To look at the princess of the Fire Nation locked in a cage, shivering, angry, hungry, living off their grace.

Still, when the guard lingered, Azula felt something different. This one was not the same as the rest. This person didn't hold the same dominant air, the snobbish sneers, they didn't pull off their helmet, but Azula knew this guard was not one of the usuals. When the door shut behind them, the guard stayed inside, looking at Azula. 

She was expecting to be accosted, and coiled herself, ready to attack if the guard came any closer. 

They didn't. They only gave a small sigh and left quickly.

Azula shook her head, confused and annoyed. It wasn't like she had so much to do. Her time was seemingly wasted, and it held no value at all. Her food was warm today, almost hot. The guard had left nothing in her cell. But they did give Azula's mind something to do besides descend further into the depths she had been falling in.

Who was that?

She quickly deduced that it was not a man. The build was too slight and her gait, what little Azula saw of it, was feminine. She could tell by the slight swing in her hips along with her short, narrow stride.

Why was she here? Possibly another one of Azula's hallucinations?

No.

She could not allow herself to think like that. If every interaction was a hallucination, then nothing was real. There was nothing to hold on to. There was nothing for Azula.

This woman was real. Azula was not sure of her connection to her, or her reason for giving Azula warm food. Still, she could feel something warm growing inside her. She'd finally felt something new for the first time in forever.

She doesn't come back for a while. Azula begins counting the time in meals and clothes. It's 7 meals until she comes back again, this time with clean clothes, sans holes. She lingers once more, staring at Azula from beneath her helmet. Azula is unable to make out any features of her face, but her blue eyes are piercing. They stare and stare, and Azula feels more exposed than she's ever been. She keeps looking at Azula, searching for something in her appearance, but Azula can't tell what. Azula does her best to keep her expression as blank as possible, but after a few more moments the woman decides she's found it and gives herself a little nod before walking back out.

Azula spends her time running through a list of people that it could be. It was definitely not Mai or Ty Lee, and it wasn't like she would want it to be them anyway. She was much taller than the water tribe girl who assisted Zuko in the Agni Kai, but Azula isn't sure how long it's been since she's seen her. She could have grown since that day. It occurs to Azula that she has no idea how much time has passed since that day. She's not even sure of how old she is right now. It feels like years since she's felt fire in her palm, but it has probably only been a few months. She hates that she doesn't know the time, when she sleeps, she's restless. Her body fights her every step of the way.

This girl obviously wants something from her, and Azula wants to know what. So, she listens, and she watches, and she waits. The woman comes back every 3rd meal, most times with clean clothes and she's the only guard to bring her hot food.

When she comes again, Azula opens her mouth, trying to find out something to say. But she can't help but stay silent. The woman's presence is somehow meek and commanding at the same time. Azula resigns herself to silence, she needs the woman to speak first.

After what feels like a lifetime, the woman sighs, and kneels in front of the bars. She hesitates, only for a moment, before pulling off her helmet. Her eyes were blue. Almost uncomfortably so. Maybe it was the way she was looking at Azula, like she had found something in her. The girl clears her throat, and then smiles.

"Hi." Azula stays quiet. "I'm Umiko."

Umiko gives a small smile and dips her head a bit. Her hair is wrapped at the base of her neck. Azula can tell from her mannerisms that she's just about Azula's age, her movements are fluid and elegant, a palace familiar.

"I've been wondering what I would say to you, when I finally got the chance. Idiotically, I thought that you might remember me. But I see now that you don't." She smooths the top of her already slicked straight hair. "I was a servant for you, one of your handmaids. I was there the day that you banished Jie, I watched the Agni Kai. I saw what happened."

Azula was silent. She had no idea who was privy to her demise. She didn't know who watched her decompose into the person she was today, weak and powerless. "Oh." It almost embarrasses her that this is the only thing she can say.

"I want to help you. If you'll let me." Umiko looked up, hearing the footsteps of another guard. "I can't stay too long; I'll be back soon." She quickly rises and turns back to Azula, giving a meek wave before she slips out.

When she's gone, Azula sits in silence, wracking her brain for memories of Umiko. She thinks she remembers her, vaguely. She was largely unassuming as a servant, she was quiet, but she listened and move quickly. She must be posing as guard.

But why would she do this? She didn't have a special relationship with her. Azula treated her much like the other servants, they were barely seen and not heard. There was no reason that she should want to help Azula.

This was most likely a plot by Zuko and possibly her uncle. They wanted to humiliate her. Well, they must've thought her mental faculties were way more debilitated than they truly were. She refused to be embarrassed like this. Not by her lazy, fat uncle, and especially not by her brother. She had to admit that it was smart to use Umiko. They chose someone unassuming and trustworthy, nobody with a strong relationship with her, but someone that was close enough to her to work in the palace.

Umiko was aesthetically pleasing, soft spoken, and modest. But, Azula was not going to be fooled. She would not allow herself to be embarrassed by her uncle, or her brother, even if he was the Firelord. When Umiko returns, Azula steels herself. She needs answers, if she plays her cards right, this could be her means to escape. 

Clearing her throat, Azula looks up as Umiko shuts the door behind her. "Umiko," Azula starts, voice raspy from the lack of use. "You're back."

Nodding, Umiko pulls off her helmet and stares back at Azula, smiling. "Yeah, of course." She says it like it's the simplest thing in the world, like she's not risking her life for impersonating guard and trying to help Azula. 

"How long have I been in here?" It was the first question Azula was desperate to ask, without the sun there was no true way for her to keep time. She couldn't even feel its energy when she desired it most.

Umiko pushes the tray food closer to Azula, signaling to her that she needs to eat. "6 months." She looks angry as she relays this to Azula, like some personal atrocity was committed against her as well.

"Do you trust me?" Azula almost winces at her lack of finesse, in her defense, she had no reason to use it for a while.

Umiko, at the very least is honest with her, responding with a quick, “A little."

Azula wanted to say the same, but Umiko was the first person to speak to or about her in some semblance of kindness in a very long time. "Why do you want to help me?"

"I was your handmaid for a longtime, princess. I remember how you'd always get up right before the sun rose. You'd stand out and practice, embracing the sun. I was always in awe of you. But you weren't okay, and nobody saw it, nobody helped you. After the Agni Kai, I thought that maybe it was too late; I suppose I just wanted to try." Umiko folds her hands in her lap, sitting on her folded legs. "I used to believe Prince Zuko to be the rational one, the compassionate one. Then he chose the cell within the cell, to keep you away from the sun, and I couldn't let you stay in here."

"So, what is your plan?" Azula asked, interested at Umiko's obvious disdain for Zuko.

Shrugging, Umiko gave her a lopsided smile. "I don't actually have one. I was hoping that we could come up with one together."

Azula nodded, "You should go." Umiko frowned at her, so Azula spoke quickly. "I need some time to think, please, Umiko."

Umiko rose, her eyes still kind and her smile still meek. "I hope to be back soon."

Another question came to her as Umiko was leaving. "Wait." Turning, helmet poised to sink back on her head, Umiko looked at Azula with her eyebrows raised. "How do you know that I won't report you to Zuko?"

"I don't," Umiko said. "That's why I have to trust you a little."

* * *

Azula sees Umiko quickly after that, when Umiko teaches her how to keep time with the meals. Umiko only brings lunch, which occurs during midday. The meal after her happens as the moon is rising. The meal before her occurs as the sun is rising. Azula is finally able to create a good sleeping pattern thanks to her. When she wakes up, she strains her body to feel the sun, and gets a little sad when she cannot.

Umiko carries light conversation when she brings Azula's food, and as much as she tries to be careful, Azula finds herself growing close to Umiko. Their original conversations about their plans for escape eventually turn to conversations about Umiko's brothers, both older than her. Then the conversations turn to Umiko's upbringing, and her disdain for strawberries. Azula smiles for the first time in too long when Umiko tells her a story about all the ways her parents tried to get her to eat strawberries. Before she truly realizes, another month has passed and she's become Umiko's friend, or something close to it.

"We could just run?" Umiko poses one day, as they got back to brainstorming ideas for Azula's escape.

Shaking her head, Azula sighed. Normally, she'd be confident in her abilities to fight her way out. However, the sun hadn't touched her in almost a year, she had no idea what her bending would be like when she was out. "No, there's too many guards for us to fight off together. We need a serious plan. Explain to me how the guards change post again." As Umiko relayed the schedules to her again, Azula realized that it was next to impossible for her to escape. But, as Umiko fiddled with her helmet, Azula got an idea. Umiko was just about her size, perhaps a little more filled out than she was, but nothing that was noticeable through a uniform. Once she ran through her idea to Umiko, the girl nodded.

Azula was still slightly distrustful of her. She came out of nowhere with kindness and compassion, something that she shouldn't feel for the princess. However, with the way her plan worked, she'd be able to escape both this place and Umiko, if she needed to.

As time went on, Umiko brought her piece by piece of a guard uniform. 

"You'll have to come during the late evening shift change. Will you be able to?" Azula asked, tucking the last piece of the uniform underneath the blankets. 

Umiko nodded hesitantly, "It'll be a tight slip, but if we're quick, then yes." Umiko smiled at Azula, seemingly genuinely happy. "You seem different."

Azula looked at her in question. "How so?"

"I'm not sure yet."

As the day of their escape drew closer, Azula found it harder and harder to play down her emotions for the other guards. She did her best to look unchanged and despondent, but freedom was right at her fingertips, she could almost taste the heat of the sun. For the first time in almost 7 months, she had plans and thoughts, she had a goal, something to fill her brain with. She was no longer replaying the day of her biggest failure. If she could pull this off, escaping Zuko's prison, pulling the wool over the Firelord's eyes, she might almost be happy.

She did not sleep at all the night before. Her thoughts, once empty and listless, now consumed her constantly. She realized her plan was flimsy at best. It relied on way too many uncontrollable variables, there were too many holes, too many places where they could be caught or found out. One wrong move and everything would go up in flames. 

Could there be a fate worse than death?

Yes, she was already existing in it. It had been months since fire played inside her skin, since the sun kissed her skin. She couldn't remember how she moved freely outside this cell. If Zuko executed her, she would be happier than being sent back here. 

Umiko's words kept bouncing around in her head. "You weren't okay, and nobody saw it."

What could she have meant by that? Other people could see that she was not well? Was she visibly weak? Falling apart in front of others?

She thought about it through her next meal, she considered everything that has happened to her since Zuko's banishment. She was already under a magnifying glass by her father. The entire nation was watching her reaction during Zuko's Agni Kai. She could not show weakness, she would not allow herself to fall into the same fate as Zuko. She steeled her face, and then watched as her father burned his only son. It feels like she viewed the experience through someone else's body. She knew what Ozai was doing was wrong, but it was not up to her to stop him. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to move. Her arms stayed balled at her sides, and a smirk plastered itself on her face as she lied. 

She kept lying. She trained even harder, surpassing the teaching of the best firebenders Ozai could find. She remembered the day her fire started burning blue. It was her first Agni Kai, after she disrespected a general in the Fire Nation Army and refused to apologize. General Chang brought her insubordination to Ozai who suggested that if Azula had an issue with respect, then General Chang should prove why he should be respected. That evening, Azula found herself face to face with a man twice her size, with twice as many years of firebending practice under his belt.

He walked around the arena with his chest puffed out. Azula knew better than to think that his age, size, or gender, meant a sure victory for him. Firebending was not about strength or raw power.

It was about precision. Each move had to be calculated and considered carefully. Fire is the most dangerous element. A careless firebender is similar to a wildfire. They're all power with no thought or care as to what they're burning. That's why Azula refused to bend fire with an open palm, and very rarely did she bend with her fists. She had the most control in her index and middle fingers, with a meticulous, specific blow. As Azula stripped off her outer garments, she stepped into the arena, barefoot, like her father did not too long ago. The crowd was thick and silent, all eyes were on her. This was like her coming out party, displaying her place as the Crown Princess of the Fire Nation. She was Azulon's namesake, daughter of the Fire Lord, this was for her father as much as it was for everyone else. 

Azula was nothing like Zuko and she needed to prove it.

Her hair wrapped in a knot on the top of her head, her arms were bare and exposed. She was more than ready. 

General Chang was heavy in his footsteps and heavier in his smirk. 

She baited him and he took it. Chang sent fire quick and heavy in her direction. Moving swiftly, Azula rolled out the fire's path. Setting herself on her feet again, Azula bent quickly in his direction, twisting her fire until Chang recoiled and stepped out. Fists of fire came in her direction and she vaguely remembered this sequence from a practice session with Zuko.

Azula dodged his fire, and flipped forward on her palms, pushing fire from her feet. Chang pushed himself through the attack surprising her with a heavy onslaught of fire, for which she could only protect herself until he was finished.

She desperately needed an opening. When Chang stopped his relentless flames, Azula took a breath, and steadied herself. Once again, she baited Chang, and he pursued her. He ran towards her, full speed, both hands engulfed in flames. Running towards him, she swept downwards, knocking Chang off his feet, sending him crashing to the ground. When he arose again, she was ready.

Azula took two fingers and found her target, bending fire directly towards his chest, she watched as her fire burned blue straight to their path. Chang was either too surprised or too slow to react to her attack. Her fire hit him straight in his chest. When the flames died down, Chang laid on the ground, twitching.

Turning to the audience, Azula listened as they erupted in cheers and gasps. Her eyes found her father's. He gave her a small nod, the only approval or praise she would receive from him. Azula did not smile, she did not show gratitude or respect to her opponent. She simply walked past him without so much as glance at him.

The memory did not warm her like it used to. It only serves as a reminder of how far she's fallen from the throne. She was once a direct heir, burning hot under her father's approval. Now, she sat cold and alone in prison, relying on her former handmaid to help her escape.

As the day wound down, Azula felt anticipation rocking her bones. She couldn't help it. For the first time in a long time, she had something to do. She had a plan and ideas, and her thoughts weren't killing her with every word.

When Umiko slipped into her cell, Azula's heart started racing. She can't remember the last time she felt like this. Umiko signaled to her to hurry and get ready. It generally takes about 15 to 20 minutes to put on the complete Fire Nation Army uniform, Azula only had 9 minutes to get dressed so Umiko could sneak her out of the cell. As Azula got dressed Umiko stayed turned, facing the door. Azula wasn't sure if this was to allow her some modicum of privacy or to keep watch for other guards. But she didn't have too long to analyze Umiko's action. 

The second she was ready, Umiko turned around and faced the lock on Azula's cell. She kneeled and got to quick work on the lock, she had taken pins from her hair, allowing her jet-black locks to fall around her shoulders. Umiko stared at the lock, then closed her eyes and she tinkered around. Azula was growing impatient, but Umiko seemed perfectly calm. 

Just as Azula was about to speak, Umiko cracked the lock and the door came screeching open. Smiling, Umiko stood to her feet.

"C'mon, we don't have much time. The sound of a cell door opening is unmistakable, especially for the veteran guards." Umiko whispers as she steps outside the cell and looks around. Azula follows closely behind, listening to Umiko hum lightly to herself.

Azula realizes that this is how Umiko keeps time. Her humming is rhythmic and paced, and she’s able to successfully calculate their movements against the shifts the guards work. They’re moving quietly and quickly.

Unbeknownst to herself, Azula began gripping the bottom of Umiko’s armor, holding on for dear life.

The rest of her life was depending on this one night.


End file.
